Life has been a bit slow lately …
I came back early February after being away for a month and a half. I was away travelling to India and Dubai – part work, part vacation and part helping friends set up life in Dubai – they recently relocated there. I know it sounds like a fun trip but was actually very hectic. The Dubai visit early January was exhausting – both physically and emotionally. It was tough but I was rewarded by the satisfaction and sense of achievement once we managed to find an apartment, furnished it and set it up as home for them. It was a mini adventure, one that I will remember for some time. After Dubai there were other things that needed to be dealt with mid-January onwards so life continued to be busy.
While I have been back for nearly a month, I haven’t yet really started my life from where I left off. I seemed to have erased some of my ‘usual’ habit patterns in the time I was away. I spent the first week recovering from jet lag and was limited to the daily trek from home to work and back. Trust me this was a struggle in itself as I used to be knackered by around 6 PM.
I was back on GMT after sleeping through the first weekend but life was still not back to normal. I seemed to be living in a vacuum. I was going through the everyday compulsory tasks but not really living as I normally would. I may struggle to explain this but I was quite detached from what was happening around me.
It felt like being on a spaceship, floating above gravity – close to home, yet so far away.
I wasn’t emotionally connected to my life yet. I decided to give myself another week to recover from the emotional tiredness that I was experiencing. Being an introvert I recognise the need to detach myself from time to time to recover the strength to face the world.
The next week was better as I started to feel more like myself but hand on heart, I wasn’t there yet. I sometimes got back home and wondered if I was ok – life seemed a bit slow, something felt odd.
I started to question and challenge myself – why was I feeling like this? Was everything ok? More importantly, why wasn’t I feeling attached to things – why wasn’t I able to get emotionally involved in things going on around me? I did worry about myself but somewhere deep down I knew things would be ok and this was a temporary phase.
I knew that one day I would escape this spaceship and be back amongst everyone around me.
Things were bit better last week. There were few incidents that emotionally impacted me. I think I gradually moved towards my feelings zone – I felt disappointed when something didn’t turn out the way I expected, I was impacted by the not so nice behaviour of certain individuals, etc. It was a bit strange; I was aware that I was feeling these emotions – normally we just go through so much in life that we don’t always realise when one emotion gives way to another.
It was as if these incidents were making small holes in the emotion free spaceship that I had been travelling in. I felt the inflow and energy of these emotions coming towards me and as expected, my first reaction was to try and put plasters on these incisions to protect the emotional vacuum I had been living in.
Then I realised that the only way to deal with them was to accept them. I was aware that I was still in the semi emotional consciousness state and that it would take a few more experiences to bring me fully back to life.
Thinking about this I realised that I have a choice – I can either let life and people around me take control of my return to normal or do this myself: open the spaceship door, put on my parachute and land back in life. While the latter felt like a step too far, at least I would know what I was letting myself into.
So that’s what I did – called up few friends, made plans for the long Easter weekend, sent birthday wishes to a friend I hadn’t spoken to for months, etc. It felt good to be able to do this, to feel happy for having done this. I reconnected with my books – I hadn’t been reading as much as I previously did. While today all this felt very normal, I know it would have been a struggle few weeks ago as I wasn’t emotionally ready for this.
My reason for telling you this is that in our everyday lives we experience many things and sometimes go through tough times – change, relationships, etc – all of these take a toll on us physically and emotionally. While we try and use weekends and days off to get a lie in or take some rest to recover physically, we are not always this kind to our emotional selves.
In my case I was forced to get an emotional rest when I suffered an emotional black out last few weeks. I am aware that this was brought on as a result of what I have been through last few months – there wasn’t anything drastic that happened but I was dealing with lot of things at once and things took their toll. I should have probably realised this was coming and given myself a chance to recover.
These days there seem to be many options available – mindfulness, meditation, yoga, etc to help us relax and focus on things that are really important. Guess, its up to us to choose the option that suits best. In my case, I generally use a good conversation for an emotional release and looking back, I didn’t have too many of them last few months.
My lesson from this experience is that just as I am responsible for my physical health and go to the gym or for walks, I am equally responsible for my emotional wellbeing and need to ensure that I am making an effort to keep myself emotionally healthy.
We read a lot in the newspapers about mental health problems and how these are impacting one and all, including children. I would strongly recommend that we all take responsibility for our emotional wellbeing, recognise what will help us and ensure we use the means we identify.
Having just visited the world without emotions, I know that it’s not a nice place and if even one of you reading this can avoid a visit there by taking care of your emotional self, my purpose is served.